More Medallions, Spiderman, and the Ethereal Silence of Being Alone

So, yeah, graduation. I was told to arrive at the "Platform Party" room at about 9am. I thought that I'd be one of about 15 students to sit on the platform with the president, the speakers, etc. I ended up being one of four. I didn't really know what the whole thing was about until I got there and this PR woman starts "briefing" me on the "procedures" that I was to follow. It seems that I and the other three students all recieved a 4.0 in every class...that's why we were there. We were to follow bagpipe players into the arena and take our seats next to all the big wigs. I felt a little guilty about not really doing anything at UCF besides taking classes and going home. It was all "ra ra, alma mater" and I'm like, "What's our Alma Mater? Is it printed in my book?". Oh well, it was a surreal cap to the entire undergrad experience.

A strange phenomena took place once I was up on that platform--there was this amazing silence in my head. People were cheering, my parents were taking pictures, people were congratulating me, shaking my hand, but I heard nothing. I also didn't keep waving at my parents or look to them nervously during the whole thing. I was my own entity and things were slient--the event was very important, yet not important in the least, all at the same time.

I really didn't put all that much into commencment. But yet I feel like I'm my own person now that it's over. It's not like this happened as soon as I touched the degree folder, but I'm thinking that all of this attention on completing something has made me evaluate all the things I've completed lately. Things like my adolescence.

And while I feel more mature (heck, I'm going to be 24 in a week or so), I revelled in my adolescence tonight by watching "Spiderman". Sam Raimi at his commercially successful best--and a cameo by Bruce Campbell to boot. Tobey Maguire was quite good in the role (and while the papers say he's just playing a brooding teen, I found his performance to be quite optimistic, even giddy). Willem Dafoe scared the crap out of me and Kirsten Dunst was, well, Kirsten Dunst--she just floats from one role to the next like one grand audition--"See my range, America? Yeah, look for me to be around for about 60 more years."

Grand drama surrounded the event, yet some of it was off screen. I went to the movie with a few people from church. I'm so used to just walking out the door at any hour, but all of the guys and gals who went to the movie with me were young 'ens. Showtimes were cancelled and plans were changed in a blink of an eye, but parents were not consulted first, thus resulting in angry parents ("Parents angry!!!" says the Hulk--his new movie due soon, directed by Ang Lee. Did you hear that right? Ang Lee! And with Jennifer Connelly!). Anyways, I was totally ready to drive people home and forget the movie, but there was some fast talking done (they had already bought tickets) and everyone finally got to attend the 12:40am showing.

I felt that whole divide thing again. I realized that I couldn't really relate anymore to that strange place in between getting a drivers license and actually getting to choose where to drive and when. I can empathize, but not relate. And in my detached state, things became silent. People talked, I heard them, I responded, we laughed and freaked, but there was this strange, beautiful silence. I could smile in the midst of high drama and disparate personalities.

We took a small detour into Barnes and Noble (had to waste about 2 hours) where I ran into a long, lost friend...and her new husband. They are a very sweet couple and really cool--both music teachers. I could see the spark between them. I had to smile and sigh as they left. Everyone's getting married. Everyone's having kids.

It's like I'm being prepped for being alone, though, at least for the time being. My parents are here, but now they are more like friends. My friends are here, but I don't get to see them all that much, to lean in on them like I'd like. There're possible romantic matches out there, but none of them are "the one"--there's no "magic". And although I always thought that the advice of "you'll know" was total horsecrap, I've heard enough great couples testify to it that I'm starting to bend.

But I'm in no hurry. I'm really excited about the future. And I'm thankful for the silence, at least for the time being.