Went to bed at 11pm...now up at 12:39am...I think it's all the caffine I had today...I'm exhausted, but my brain won't turn off.

Justin would say that it's time to blog. =)

So, here's catch-up from Friday:

With great trepidation, I arrived at the home of one of my former church elders for dinner and a "chat." I really didn't know what to expect. I knew that this man and his wife knew that I was gay and that they were in leadership at my former assembly. I also knew that this man, Stan, had known me since I was born and had watched me grow from the cute little kid to the adult that I am now.

I don't know if it was foreshadowing or not, but before I went to Stan's house, I stopped by his neice and nephew's apartment at New Tribes Mission--the headquarters for New Tribes is in Sanford, FL. It's weird to just "drop by" people's places now that I've come out, but I haven't felt more welcome in someone's house than then. Kim basically ran up to me and gave me a warm hug and told me, "I was so hopeful that you'd stop by...it'd be a shame for you to be in Sanford and not come by." Garrett, her little baby, looked up at me from his copped squat on the carpet and stared, studying me. Alex, now such a big boy, although no more than 4 years old (I forget exactly), looked at me with surprise at first and then went back to playing with his toys. I heard his familiar little voice: "Hey Mr. Keef! You can play farm animals with me if you want!" Not settling for my "Ummm...", he said, "Okay, you're going to play farm animals" with finality.

After awhile of putting sheep, dogs, a very large ant, and dinosaurs behind white picket fencing with Alex, I had to leave and head over to Stan's. I grabbed my Bible and a cup of Starbucks and walked into their house. Stan and his wife Pat hugged me and welcomed me. A few minutes later and we started our "chat."

While I wouldn't reveal the contents of our discussion in such a public place (confidences were placed, trust was built), I will say that I am extremely grateful for such a level-headed, loving, Godly family. Basically, Stan admitted that it wasn't his place to change my mind or chastise me or punish me or ostracize me or break off communication with me...instead, he was there to be a sounding board, a guide in the scriptures, a kind refuge. Both of our expectations, mine of a "fundamentalist elder" and his of a "liberal gay man," were stretched, shattered, and then fused into a more complete view of two sinners, humbled before a holy, yet loving God.

Stan admitted that I was the first gay man to purport Christian belief to him and that he didn't know exactly how to handle that. It is in these moments that I really marvel at how naive I've been: I've had 14+ years to deal with all of this...no one else has had much time at all. I'm learning patience with others, just as they're having to learn how to have a relationship with me.

We spoke of hard issues, such as 1 Cor. 5 and the like. Basically, how could he feel comfortable fraternizing with me if I'm one of the "sexually immoral"? Stan swiftly brought out distinctions between the people "infiltrating" the church in 1 Cor. 5 and someone who stands outside the "local assembly" without stirring up dischord and division. He basically said that I wasn't "blatently" trying to have my cake and eat it too: I made no claims to membership/fellowship at Lake Howell Bible Chapel while living the life of a gay man. Stan then brought out verses in 1 Timothy and Galations regarding how a Christian should treat one who he does not agree: gentleness, patience, and kindness. This, of course, does not exclude stating the truth when asked--Stan would never say that he agrees with my choices in life (I would never ask otherwise), but he knows he can't make me change.

Part of me was surprised at his candor and his wisdom...his love and moderation. Another part of me knew that this would be the case. After our chat, my parents arrived and we had a nice dinner of hot soup, hot bread, and quite a lot of Lemon Meringue pie...quite a lot. A huge amount.

I dreamt of lemons.

Not really... =)

So, to follow up with the events of Friday:

Today, Saturday, I worked at RH. It was horrible. I pretty much had to take over temporarily in a "Store Manager" capacity. Two people quit and the schedule became a tangled mess of dropped shifts and students not requesting the time that they're in classes off. Argh.

But right at the end, something wonderful happened. This really sweet, dear couple, Sam and Nellie, from my old church stopped by. They took me out for coffee after work and we just chatted. They invited me to their second church, one that Justin and I had already talked about visiting. They told me about the symphony that they attended. They asked me what my future plans were. It was wonderful to be able to talk to two people who knew me before I came out and still treat me 100 percent the same. This is rare, my friends. I can only say that my cousin Jose and this couple have treated me 100 percent the same. They didn't act like I had terminal cancer, they didn't act betrayed, they didn't act like I was a fragile porcelain doll--no, they were just Sam and Nellie and I was just Keith.

It was wonderful! It gave me quite a lot of hope for my relationships with those who are not at 100 percent...2, 59, 73 percent...all became possible over a small cup of coffee with two old friends.

And tomorrow I get to spend some time with Justin. This week is looking pretty good. =)